Long Weekend = Amazing!

Long weekends are awesome! But, I’m sure you already knew that! I mean, who doesn't love having a Friday or Monday off in the typical work week?

We have no plans and since Natalie really dislikes being strapped in a car seat, we avoid road trips. Instead, I would like to rest and just enjoy some great family time. I had a few ideas in mind and I am hoping to do at least one from this list.

• Cook some lobster tails on the grill and maybe even a shrimp bisque and enjoy it outside on the patio table.

• Take the dog to the local dog park and enjoy watching all the doggies play.

• Go on a family bike ride around the community or local park.

• Go fishing.

• Plan a pizza night, we've never made our own pizza but this might be a fun thing to try!

• Plant a family garden.

• Fly a kite.

• Turn the backyard into a water park (slip 'n slide, water guns, turn on the hose)

....and of course just laugh it up and have a good time! 
NO WORK! NO THERAPY! NO STRESS!
Wishing everyone a Super Fun & Happy Labor Day Weekend!
ENJOY!

Fear

Yesterday was a therapy day. Natalie had both behavioral and speech/language therapy. Therapy days are usually awful. I have to witness Natalie cry, and get upset. It usually leads to a meltdown. And all I can do is cry and feel hopeless...and then...the fears creep in. I start to think about Natalie's future and a hundred "what if's" come into mind. Then, my B I G G E S T   F E A R....What if Natalie never learns to speak?  I get so mad at myself. Why do I allow these fears to take over me, to take over my thoughts? I know that God is with me. I know that God is with Natalie. I know that with God ALL things are possible. I know that fear comes from the devil. But these fears just sneak up on me and suddenly they are there--in my heart (my heart is racing and I can hear the thumping in my ears!) and in my thoughts. 

They catch me offguard. It's always going to be a struggle for me. Fear is such a strong emotion.

Fear is a lifelong battle, but God is our lifelong Protector

May God help me to be a FIGHTER who fights for the Lord with the weapon of his WORD!

My baby boy turns 15 today!

Fifteen years ago today I became a Mom to a healthy baby boy, who taught me so much about being a Mom. Experiencing motherhood envelops all the fear, struggle, pain, failure and success that being a Mom has to experience... and still continues. For 15 years Allan and I have been teaching him, coaching him, hanging out with him, laughing with him, playing with him, dragging him to events. I still have all the drawings and writings he made for me in the elementary years—I love you mom! My mom is the best because...; My mom rocks; etc., etc.

I love to think of those fun moments.

Of course there were also the times in the last 15 years when we were correcting him, lecturing him, grounding him… (gulp) yelling at him… it’s weird to think about it all—good and bad. My parenting was so imperfect. Constant second-guessing. Was I too lenient? Was I too strict? Did I teach him enough? Did I lecture too long?

 He didn't know how to celebrate his birthday. Nowadays it seems birthdays are not too much of a big deal to him -- not like before. We normally celebrate at home with a pool party and invite his cousins and some friends. But since he has been undecided we took him on a shopping spree this past weekend and we celebrated with some family, and bought a birthday cake and we sang and he blew out the candles. He made plans to see a movie with some friends Saturday night and we will be taking him out for dinner tonight -- sushi is his favorite (just like his mommy).

Happy Birthday, Austin. We are so proud of you beyond measure, and I cannot wait to see what you do with your life. You will be a success at whatever you do and I look forward to loving your children and telling them all about what a great kid you were. You are my heart. I love you baby! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUSTIN!

I See the light!

Today Natalie was evaluated by the school board. They had a speech pathologist and psychologist perform the evaluation. She also had to have ANOTHER hearing test done--even though she has already had 2 done previously. Please note that these hearing tests are a nightmare. Natalie seriously dislikes them and it is nearly impossible to get through it and everything goes downhill after that. To add to my stress, my husband was unable to join us and I was so nervous. I hardly slept, I was scared and I didn't know how I would be able to get through a 2.5 hour evaluation that included a hearing test. So last night and this morning, I prayed--A LOT! I prayed--DEEPLY.  

Natalie and I woke up and we had a good breakfast, I got her ready, put her in the car seat and off we went....Have you ever felt God's presence? Well, I felt it on that drive to the school board.  I truly felt God right there with me, giving me strength, reassuring me and I felt his warm smile upon me, letting me know that he was taking care of things...and you know what? I felt 100% better, I felt strength in knowing he was there and he was listening and he was going to deal with my concerns, my worries and that he was taking care of us.  

So guess what? God took care of everything! Natalie took the hearing test and she was so compliant, she was wonderful! They were able to give her a much more thorough exam and they took their time and I was told that she passed and her hearing is perfect. I was flabbergasted! and then I whispered, "Thank you Lord." Next, the evaluation. This team of ladies could not have been more wonderful! They were so sweet, so caring! I felt like they loved and cared for Natalie as much as I do. I wish they would have been the ones that first broke the news of Autism to me. They were so sensitive and positive. They told me that it wasen't my fault, they told me that Autism is not a death sentance, they said that I was doing everything right and that I was doing everything that they would do if Natalie was their daughter. They hugged me, they smiled, they were incredible, so again, I said, "Thank you Lord." 

We have to retun on September 16th for the results. But these ladies went ahead and told me that Natalie qualifies for Full time preschool and therapy as of September 17th. They will also provide door to door transportation. 

"Thank you God!" 

So I am happy, I see a light at the end of this tunnel. I see hope and I am so thankful to God because with him ALL things are possible and he does listen and he is there. 

    Dearest God Our Father, I love You! I adore You and I Thank You!

Exhausted

I am exhausted, I am sad, I have cried and cried today. The last 2 days of therapy for Natalie have been very difficult. She does not want to cooperate at all, she cries and screams and will not give in. She is strong willed and refuses to do what is being asked of her. I have had to chase her, and have had to endure meltdown after meltdown. The therapist was frustrated my mother was upset (just like a grandma, she blames the therapist for upsetting Natalie and Natalie can do no wrong. God Bless Grandma), and I was sad, heartbroken and just exhausted. Some days it's not as hard but other days it's extremely stressful and emotional. 

I am sure that it will get better (I pray it does). 

Sometimes it feels like it is too much to bear. 

School Daze

Where has the time gone? How did we get from there to here? Is it possible that all of these years have gone by? I've barely gotten over sending my first born to kindergarten, and now, here he is on his way to his first day of high school. I wanted so much to take him into school today and walk him to his first class. But, of course, Austin would never allow this, because at this age, they do not want to be treated like children anymore. So I took a deep breath, said a final prayer for Austin (and for myself), and went inside the house and peaked through his bedroom window .  My heart pounded as I watched him walk further and further down the street on his way to the bus stop. Letting the tears flow, I called my mom for moral support. 

When we are children, we perceive time as passing very slowly and think of each day as a lifetime. To an adult, and maybe a parent in particular, the important milestones in life seem to collapse together, one by one, at a very high speed. I remember the day that my son was born. I remember the drive to the hospital and the way that he smelled at the second that they handed him to me and told me that he was mine. I remember all of these moments, and while my mind knows that fifteen years have passed, my heart aches that those years seem to pass so quickly.

Austin's first day of Kindergarten

Austin today

I told Austin last night that he is never alone and to never forget that. His dad and I will always be his managers, his warriors, his biggest supporters and his number one fans. We will always be his mom and dad and we will always advocate for him, in order to assure that his life is happy and healthy, and successful as only HE can define it.

Whether you’re approaching the first day of school as a kindergartner or ninth grader, a teacher or a parent, we all know the day can be filled with anxiety and stress.  Are the lunches packed?  What am I wearing?  Who do I have for math?  Just remember that first days are important and if we can help it, they probably shouldn't be rushed or overlooked.  So take a moment to appreciate it in the ways that you can.  

Childhood Friends

I have received so much support since Natalie's diagnosis and I am so grateful for that. I have come to cherish and love some of my friends even more because of their support, their hugs, and the understanding and care they have shown me. However, what is it about childhood friends? Last night my best friend from childhood (3rd grade!) reached out to me.  Her family moved to Greece at the end of that school year and I was heartbroken. I tried to find another friend just like her--but no one compared. We found each other again, via Facebook, about 3 years ago and we were so happy to reconnect. Of course, life is busy and we both have children and a husband and work and we live far away from each other. So we haven't kept the communication lines as open as we would like. But after reading her message to me last night I realized that she still holds a very special place in my heart. Her words were like so many that I have read and heard since Natalie was diagnosed. But what was it about that message that impacted me so deeply? 

I stayed up late and wondered all morning. I did some soul searching. You see, the names of our childhood friends are immortalized on the first pages of the book of our lives, as those companions of adventure, shapers of dreams and accomplices of mischief ... In her hands I learned the true meaning of friendship, with every moment that we shared there were so many mutual expressions of affection and tests of loyalty. 

My childhood friend and I.Please excused those socks..Honestly, what was I thinking!

Thank you. I can say that the time we shared during those early years of my life were one of the best chapters that I lived, because you always saw beyond my appearance, trusted and believed in me, You valued me just the was that I was. Impossible to forget the games we played, the running, jumping, bike riding, dancing, dress up, visiting, going for walks, and sharing every day of the year.

You cannot erase the many fantastic stories of horror, laughter and pain, we made up between the two of us, but especially so many dreams we built and we shared. In sickness, in joy and pain, there we were, we made pacts of friendship, to never ever forget the time we spent together even if distance tried to separate us.

And although much time has passed and the roads have taken us in different directions; although each of us has been writing her own story, with new characters that have given us new meaning and recreated our lives ... Although maybe if we met in the street we would find it difficult  to recognize each other because our faces and appearances have changed; nothing that we lived and shared in those childhood years could ever be erased. 

Today, I feel so happy to have reconnected with my childhood friend, because although 30 years have gone by her name has been immortalized in my life. She will always be my best friend, the friend that through her existence, made my life richer and happier ...

Thanks for not ever forgetting me, just as I will never forget you.