Happy Birthday Natalie!

Last night I went to sleep the mother of a two year-old. This morning I woke up the mother of a three year-old. Your name means "Christmas Day" and you are surely a gift from God. Happy Birthday Natalie!  You are my heart and soul. I want to tell you how much I love you. But trust me, no words would be good enough to express just how much you mean to me and how much you are loved.

I look at you each night and watch the little outside corners of your mouth turned down, as they did when you were an infant. Your sweet rosy cheeks and those beautiful long lashes look just the way they did when you would sleep in my arms back in those early months. I miss those beautiful days. Our whole world was in our little home, just you and me. Dad would go to work and big brother would head off to middle school, and the two of us would sit quietly and study each other. I thought that I was only studying you, but now I realize you were studying me, too. It was in those days that we began our mother/daughter relationship, our bond. I learned all your facial expressions, every wrinkle and those dimples! I watched your eyes come into focus, your mouth start to make sweet little sounds, and watched as your ears learned to listen {sign} I took it all in. I waited for your first word, I wanted to know what your voice would sound like, to better understand your thoughts and feelings.  But I also relished in the quiet peace of just you and me. You make life so beautiful and full and complete.There is so much I admire about you. Growing up with challenges of communication and the inability to say all that you want or need to say is not an easy task, so I respect and admire your deep desire to fight hard every day, to try to say what you mean and for using your best tool: self-motivation. I’m not sure I’d find the strength that you display each day as you work to become a more able person. I can only admire your greatness. 

Thank you for being my daughter and for reminding me what life is all about, for helping me stop and enjoy all the moments.  I love you more than I could ever put into words and I am thankful for the miracle of you in my life.

Happy 3rd Birthday my sweet girl.

 You make me whole in so many ways.

With Love,

Mom

9/11 : MY BIRTHDAY

My birthday is today! Yes, that's right, 9/11. It goes without saying the association that most people make with this date. For example, I called my bank not long ago and when the lady asked for my date of birth and I responded, she replied, "I'm so sorry." For most of my life, people will cringe when I give them my date of birth, or occasionally when I make a comment about being born on September 11th.  I admit that I feel guilty when people respond in that manner, I feel as though I should apologize for reminding them of however this tragedy affected them. But it is MY birthday and I don't want to have to feel guilty about celebrating it, despite of the horrific events of 9/11. Because this day also represents the start of MY life!  But many believe that it’s inappropriate to be festive while the rest of the country observes a somber anniversary.

I think that I will hear some echo of these remarks for years to come, although the further away we get, the more it will start to become a more normal day. 
So I will do what I have always done, while paying my respects to the 9/11 victims, I will celebrate my birthday and blow out the candles on my cake and I will make a wish for peace and for happiness throughout the world. {God Bless}

My baby boy turns 15 today!

Fifteen years ago today I became a Mom to a healthy baby boy, who taught me so much about being a Mom. Experiencing motherhood envelops all the fear, struggle, pain, failure and success that being a Mom has to experience... and still continues. For 15 years Allan and I have been teaching him, coaching him, hanging out with him, laughing with him, playing with him, dragging him to events. I still have all the drawings and writings he made for me in the elementary years—I love you mom! My mom is the best because...; My mom rocks; etc., etc.

I love to think of those fun moments.

Of course there were also the times in the last 15 years when we were correcting him, lecturing him, grounding him… (gulp) yelling at him… it’s weird to think about it all—good and bad. My parenting was so imperfect. Constant second-guessing. Was I too lenient? Was I too strict? Did I teach him enough? Did I lecture too long?

 He didn't know how to celebrate his birthday. Nowadays it seems birthdays are not too much of a big deal to him -- not like before. We normally celebrate at home with a pool party and invite his cousins and some friends. But since he has been undecided we took him on a shopping spree this past weekend and we celebrated with some family, and bought a birthday cake and we sang and he blew out the candles. He made plans to see a movie with some friends Saturday night and we will be taking him out for dinner tonight -- sushi is his favorite (just like his mommy).

Happy Birthday, Austin. We are so proud of you beyond measure, and I cannot wait to see what you do with your life. You will be a success at whatever you do and I look forward to loving your children and telling them all about what a great kid you were. You are my heart. I love you baby! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUSTIN!