Merry Christmas

 

Merry Christmas, From Our Family to Yours

Christmas is time for family, time of reunion, time to catch up with loved ones. Time to give your heart the wings it needs in order to express your feelings. It is a time for Peace.
A time for Laughter, Children and Gifts.
Time for the Candles that Illuminate the Gratitude we feel to be alive and feel the love in our hearts. 
Christmas is the celebration of life, because we celebrate the birth of Jesus in all of its expressions. God is born in each of us and he comes back to life in all of his creations. Every Christmas is the confirmation of the Promise of salvation and eternal life for all.
This Christmas may we all have a heart full of sighs for the love that surrounds us. May we all feel the family, which is physically next to us and those which accompany us from the heavens. 
May we all feel, from heaven, the renewal of God's promise of love.  Merry Christmas to All
 

Guilt

Learning that Natalie has autism came as a tremendous blow to me and our entire family. One of the first emotions I experienced, once I accepted Natalie's diagnosis, was the feeling of guilt. As parents, we have the major task of protecting our children from danger. As a mother I often wonder if something I did or failed to do during pregnancy might have made a difference in Natalie.
I have read so much about autism and because there is no proven cause, there is much speculation and many theories. I have questioned the safety of where I live, our water supply, I have wondered about toxins in the environment or in my home. I have questioned vaccinations, and asked myself, "Did I take care of myself when I was pregnant?"
I even had someone speculate that I had "bad" genes and overheard a woman at the hair salon say that autism is caused by ignorant parents who should have taken parenting classes before having a child.  These two incidents alone, were emotionally devastatting to me. Because although they made me angry---they also created doubt and caused me many sleepless nights.
When picking up Natalie from school, I chat politely to the other parents.  One mother mentions that her son has extra speech therapy.  Another one talks about the social skills group she enrolled her daughter in.  Another one declares that she just signed her child up for Karate with an aide to help him.  Despair and guilt wash over you.  “These parents do so much” I think to myself.  “How do they do it?  Where do they find the time and the money? Therapy is so expensive and our insurance covers so little. But I should do more.  As the guilt factor sets in, I shamefully accuse myself of being a bad parent.

But I do know that I try. I try, every single day, to be the best mommy that I can be. And I was entrusted with this beautiful little girl.  But although I no longer spend all my waking hours feeling guilty or even wondering what actually caused it. That little guilt nag is always in the back of my mind.

"I Want More"

I have not blogged much lately and I must admit that part of the reason is because I have felt discouraged and sad. It isn't easy. I am impatient. I want Natalie to be okay and I sometimes feel like I am racing against time. I want her to be able to communicate by using her words as quickly as possible and I'd love for that to happen before she enters her elementary school years. But it isn't happening as fast as I would like and I become desperate. I don't reflect these feelings to anyone but I feel them on the inside. I sometimes feel so angry that I have this beautiful child who is so loving and giving but who is locked in her own mind. But, when I find myself getting frustrated and angry, I do think about how Natalie feels: What's it like for her? That's when I realize that I can't fall apart, I can't let her down, and I have to be strong and do what's best for her. 
Lately, I have felt so impatient and this caused me to forget something very important...God doesn't do things on my time...he does things on his time and I must have faith and I know that I need to slow down and be patient. I must learn and I must trust in the Lord. God's timetable is not the same as ours. He knows better than we do when is the best time for our prayers to be answered. Unfortunately, my mind sometimes becomes clouded and I forget this... But God was sure to remind me in a beautiful miracle yesterday.

I always give Natalie a chocolate treat when we get home from grandma's house (Natalie loves her chocolate). Last night I put some mini m&m's in a small bowl for her as we sat together on the couch. When Natalie was done she held out the bowl in front of me.... and she SAID...

"I want more" 

Even now, the tears are flowing as I am writing this...It was the most joyous moment since the day she started to call me mom again. I was overwhelmed and, of course, I looked at her and with a big smile replied, "Yes! you can have more!" and I put some more in her bowl.
You must understand, we have been going to language therapy for months and the 2 words that the therapist and I have tried to teach her to say are, "help" and "more" but sadly, Natalie never said either word. The therapist would explain how important these two words were and I say these words all the time in order to get her to say them. But last night, she not only said the word "more" but she spoke a complete sentence...

"I Want More" 

Those 3 words were amazing and it was a huge milestone! I pray she keeps them. I called my mom and my husband (who unfortunately was still at work) and I told Austin and posted to my Facebook page. I was elated! and I wanted to share my joy with the world! About an hour later we were playing with her porcelain tea set. We use apple juice and pretend it is tea and we sip through our tea cups and when the "tea" was all gone, she handed me the empty tea pot and pointed to the apple juice. I said, "Natalie, do you want more?" No response..."Do you want more tea?" She, smiled and nodded. "Natalie, more?" she pointed to the apple juice again. So I stood up, took the apple juice and placed it back in the fridge. She followed me and frowned. she looked down and then up again and she SAID, "I want more" I immediately jumped for joy and said, "Okay, yes! let's have more!" and I took the apple juice back out and refilled the tea pot. These are all skills that I owe to Natalie's ABA therapist, Kristy and her language therapists. They have really trained me in order to maximize retention and push Natalie to use her words. I am so thankful to them and I am so happy for Natalie, I know it isn't easy for her, but she tries so hard and she is doing great things! 
It is beautiful how God does everything at the right time. We cannot question him we cannot lose faith, we must pray without ceasing.  It is His time, His will. I forget this some times but I must work harder to remember.

Our Father knows what's best for us,
So why should we complain ...
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer;
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear.

Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow;
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet "tomorrow."

For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm;
And the sharp cut of the chisel
Gives the marble grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain;
For every loss He sends to us
Is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent;
We will find no cause for murmuring
And no time to lament.

For Our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain;
So He never sends us "pleasure"
When the "soul's deep need is pain."

So whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make "our spirits strong."

~ Helen Steiner Rice ~

16 Years Later, An Unexpected Ride But A Happy Life Just The Same.

   

Sixteen years ago on November 30th, I was an excited bride ready to walk down the aisle to a man whose character and heart had exceeded all the things I had hoped for and asked God to bring me. When Allan and I started our marriage we thought  that our time was our own, that there would be time to think and dream together, and that we would enjoy the "better, richer and in health" parts of the vows we took.  But somewhere along the way, expectations collide with real life and our hopes and dreams give way to hindrances and obstacles that begin to make marriage hard. We never thought it could happen to us. But it did, and we are now among those who deal with the daily stress of caring for a special needs child, finding ourselves disappointed and discouraged at times. But, I have a truth for you:  the love I have for my husband today has more depth, more strength, and more trust than it did the day we made our vows to one another.  That love has had some days and nights that tested it, but we’ve chosen to keep loving each other during some times when we didn’t feel all those warm, mushy feelings.
Sixteen years later, we know that marriage isn’t all roses and happy feelings.  It doesn’t always feel like it did that day sixteen years ago.  It feels different, but it’s stronger and it’s better.  I have a deeper respect for him now than I did then.  I have a steadier love for him.
We had an opportunity to leave Natalie at grandma's house last night and Austin was invited to a friend's birthday party. So we decided to celebrate it a day early.     We were at dinner and we started to reflect on the last 16 years. We have truly grown up together. But through it all we have been so happy. We have so much in common, in that we love to laugh (especially at each other) and we enjoy staying positive. We focus a lot on our children and we value our family.   We talked about our unexpected journey with Natalie. You see, "special needs parents," no matter what our diagnosis is; lack time and energy, we suffer from high levels of frustration and unrelenting stress that can take its toll on a marriage. Marriage has its own difficulties, but with an autism diagnosis, we go beyond the normal struggles. We have extra financial strains resulting from medical costs too.
However, Allan and I understand that we cannot let our child's autism interfere or destroy our marital relationship. Because years of research around the world, shows that  "the parents' relationship with each other trumps everything else!"  
It was a very special dinner. We talked openly about our feelings emotions and stresses as they relate to the care of Natalie. In times of stress, we tend to keep everything bottled up inside or explode over the slightest disagreement. But last night we shared insights about everything — the good, the bad and the ugly. We took the time to really listen to each other and I found that I love this man so much more than I ever did before. It's amazing, he is amazing. He has such a calm demeanor and a gift for seeing Natalie's challenges as "no big deal." He loves our daughter so much and completely accepts her for who she is--with or without words.  He is so patient and he puts all of his faith in God. I, on the other hand, am not as accepting of Natalie's diagnosis. I still cannot get past it. I still fight through it--every day. But my husband and I provide the perfect balance to each other and I am so thankful for that.  We respect each other and we never blame each other -- we only support one another. You see, we understand that a meaningful, beautiful life together, and a good and growing marriage, do not have to end with a child's diagnosis of disability. We have had to learn to lean often and hard on God's promises      For better or worse really does means for better or worse.  The challenges of raising an autistic child can become a blessing because we are in it together and we are a team. We make time to communicate about schedules, feelings and needs. We have to deal honestly with our frustrations. We get assistance and support and we seek help quickly and we take time for each other. We have learned that a strong marriage is essential. Without it, caring for our daughter is that much more difficult and challenging. 

So Happy Anniversary darling! Thanks for being on this ride with me, being my partner in parenting, and putting up with all my antics and whims! I Love You

    

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving. This week has been so challenging and I have found it difficult to feel thankful. 
My daughter has autism and she struggles to communicate...Can I be thankful for that? She has meltdowns and I can't figure out why, because she can't tell me...Can I be thankful for that? She is 3 years old and never said the words "I Love You..." Can I be thankful for that? 
I apologize, because personally, I am a big believer in looking for the silver lining in every situation. And in searching for the good. But this week has brought more challenges than I was ready for. I questioned myself as a mother and my ability to be everything that Natalie needs me to be...Will I be strong enough for the challenges that are yet to come? I have felt so much despair this week. As much as I have tried to stay optimistic, it has been more than difficult.

However, I really feel that I must stay positive and be happy and despite my sadness this week, I know that there is a lot to be thankful for. I cannot allow hard times to overshadow all the good. My kids need this from me, my husband needs this from me and I need this for myself. So, {sigh} as Thanksgiving approaches I want to focus my heart on gratitude to God, I can not allow myself to forget the simple everyday moments where we taste His goodness.The moments in the mundane events of our day where we enjoy time spent with those He has placed in our lives. The laughter shared around a table. The phone call from a friend. The encouraging word from a co-worker.

Life can be hard and times are tough for so many. Uncertainty and fears grip our hearts and steal our joy. But even in the midst of hard times, I do believe that we can always find something good in our lives to be thankful for.
I am so thankful that Thanksgiving will be celebrated in my home and that I will be surrounded by my loved ones. I am so thankful that I have my mom doing her wonderful cooking. I am thankful that I have an amazing husband and 2 great children. I am thankful for God and all the wealth He has given me.

My prayer for all of us at Thanksgiving is that we will be found with gratitude in our hearts and a song of praise on our lips.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 18: Thankful for Memories

Today, I am so thankful for my memories. After all, memories make your life meaningful. I am especially fond of the memories I have of my paternal grandfather, who passed away about 12 years ago and my maternal grandmother, who passed away 3 years ago.
I only spent the first 5 years of my life with my grandfather. He chose to stay behind,  when my parents migrated to the U.S. Although we did not have a lot of time together, the memories we created will last a lifetime. I think about him every day. He was incredibly kind, caring, loving and giving. He enjoyed spending time with his grandchildren and he loved them ALL the same. He was an amazing support to my parents and never said "No" He was always there for us. He made us laugh, he took us to the park, the aquarium and he introduced us to God.  My fondest memory of him was when he would take me to the park and push me on the swing. It felt so heavenly to have the wind going through my hair and I felt like I could stay forever. My sweet grandpa would swing me for as long as he could. When he was ready to go, I was never upset, because he would keep me there for so long that I felt completely satisfied with the moment. I keep a picture of the two of us in my jewelry box and I smile at him every time I open it. 

Thank you "Abuelo" I will always love you and cherish our memories.

My grandmother was the most amazing cook! and she was so beautiful (inside and out). She adored her grandchildren and great grandchildren and gave so much of herself to each of us. I can honestly say that we (her grand kids) are all better today because she was in our life. My fondest memory of her was when I got to spend my summers at her house and help her make ham and chicken croquetas (Spanish name for Croquette,  a small bread-crumbed fried food roll). They were so yummy and I enjoyed watching her make these from scratch. We would make so many of them and she would package them and freeze them. The next day we would take the bus to Downtown Miami where we would visit my cousin, Alicia, at her workplace (a bank). There, my grandmother would sell all the croquetas we made the day before (except for the secret batch she reserved for us back home). The tellers and all bank personnel would be so excited about them. They really appreciated her cooking and I felt such pride. Sometimes we would go and have lunch with my cousin and I really enjoyed that too. After lunch my grandma would take me to all the jewelry stores and we had so much fun looking at all the pretty necklaces and earrings and trying them on. I was so blessed to have so many wonderful moments with her. 

"Abuela", You were such an important part of my life I am so thankful for your love and the time you dedicated to me.

Day 17: Thankful for Hope

Hope always has a way of finding its way into our lives when we need it the most. 
Life is not always sunshine and flowers. There are some bad days, days when you witness things that make you cry and feel insecure. Life is so different when looking at it through the Autism window and there are times when I feel helpless and angry that autism has resulted in a life that is much different than I had planned. 

But I have also experience feelings of hope as Natalie begins to make progress, and for this, I am so thankful.

Natalie gives me hope when she dances, she gives me hope in her smiles, she reminds me that there is hope with every new word she speaks and with every kiss that she gives me. She is a constant reminder of hope and I am so blessed to have that. Because whenever I do feel hopeless and sad, I don't have to go very far...I look at this face, 

at this bundle of joy and love...

and I am reminded, that hope is never lost.

Day 16: Thankful for Toys & Imagination

Today I am thankful for Toys and Imagination. Toys and stuffed animals represent so much to our children. And we, as parents, get to take part in creating their life stories and all the memories that will be attached for years to come.

I love to see Natalie engaged in imaginative play. This is something that she was not doing before. But through ABA therapy and pre schooling Natalie has mastered imaginative play. She loves it when we put on our matching aprons and play in her kitchen. We get some uncooked pasta and fill up her play pans with a little water and we pretend to cook and mix and taste all kinds of goodies. We even play with flour and add a little water and mix it up in her play mixer. Yes, it does get a little messy (Okay, a lot messy) but after praying that your child engages in imaginative play and you hear therapists tell you that most kids who learn to use their imaginations eventually talk and those who never use imaginative play never talk...you learn to appreciate these milestones and celebrate them immensely. Who cares about the mess--I say, bring it on!

In fact, this has become one of my favorite parts of parenting – living out my own imagination and creativity to help build that of my daughter.

Toys and stuffed animals represent so much to our children. And we, as parents, get to take part in creating their life stories and all the memories that will be attached for years to come.

We have many years ahead of us reliving our own excitement baking cookies and waiting for Santa, finding eggs from the Easter Bunny and remembering to put teeth under pillows for the Tooth Fairy.

If nothing else, creating names and stories helps Allan and I to break away from the stressfulness of being the responsible adults. In a way, it helps us to maintain our sanity by having a little imaginary fun.

Natalie will grow out of the time of make believe one day, but my hope is that she will create long-lasting memories, as I did when I was a child, and always remember the comfort she had in her fluffy companions.

But for now, I will continue to foster her imagination and cherish the moments of her babbling her own stories and then holding tight to her stuffed animals, and play horses and dolls, while she drifts off to sleep.

Day 15: Thankful for Photography

Today, I am thankful for photography. Photographs matter because they freeze moments of our lives. Moments which sometimes may seem  of little importance to us but will be of great significance to others who search for the person we once were or the places we once knew. We may not think of it at that moment, but photographs will outlive us and will mean a lot to our great great grandchildren when they discover us frozen in that time. They can be small pieces of a puzzle that complete the larger picture of our lives. 

Photographs allow us to preserve the important moments and people in our lives. The ceremonies of birth and birthdays, weddings and anniversaries, holidays and new houses are all recorded because they matter. Photographs personal stories, a timeline of our lives filled with faces and places that we love. They are our story, which we can share with others.
As a mother, I genuinely enjoy documenting my children's adventures. I love capturing all the moments, milestones and the every day. But I'm not the one usually taking the pictures. I have to thank my husband for that. He is so good about snapping these moments and documenting everything with his camera. He never complains (even though I drive him crazy) about me telling him when and where to take pictures. He is such a great sport and a great photographer.

Day 14: Thankful for Music

Today I am thankful for Music. I have always loved dancing, but I especially enjoy dancing with my children. When Austin was little, we danced all the time. We looked so goofy, but it made us feel amazing and the laughter never stopped. Today, I mostly dance with Natalie. We giggle like crazy and laugh so much. We love to dance together. Whenever the music starts (and it doesn't matter what type of music) we both jump onto the floor and dance together. She is truly adorable and Austin & Allan enjoy watching us and will join us as well.
Allan plays the guitar and Natalie is his biggest fan. She has been his #1 fan since she was born. She sits and watches him and you can see that she is paying close attention and truly enjoying the sounds coming out of his guitar. It's the sweetest thing and Allan melts every time.
Music is such a powerful thing. It can bring a rush of emotion that can be incredibly intense. Music can bring us so much joy and can also bring us to tears.  Music moves people from all walks of life.  It can can trigger such profoundly rewarding experiences. 
Here are a few reasons to listen to music:

IMPROVES YOUR WORKOUT 

Experts say listening to music during exercise can give you a better workout in several ways. Scientists claim it can increase your endurance, boost your mood and can distract you from any discomfort experienced during your workout.

Which type of music is best? The best type of music for exercise is thought to be high energy, high tempo music such as hip hop or dance music.

MEMORY LOSS 

For many people suffering from memory loss the spoken language has become meaningless. Music can help patients remember tunes or songs and get in touch with their history. This is because the part of the brain which processes music is located next to memory. 

Which type of music is best? Research shows that people with memory loss respond best to music of their choice.

CHRONIC BACK PAIN 

Music works on the autonomic nervous system - the part of the nervous system responsible for controlling our blood pressure, heartbeat and brain function and also the part of the brain that controls feelings and emotions. According to one piece of research, both these systems react sensitively to music.

When slow rhythms are played, our blood pressure and heartbeat slow down which helps us breathe more slowly, thus reducing muscle tension in our neck, shoulders, stomach and back. And experts say that apart from physical tension, music also reduces psychological tension in our mind.

In other words when we feel pain, we become frightened, frustrated and angry which makes us tense up hundreds of muscles in our back. Listening to music on a regular basis helps our bodies relax physically and mentally, thus helping to relieve - and prevent - back pain

Which type of music is best? Experts believe any type of classical music such as Mozart or Beethoven can help relieve muscle pain. Calm, slow music is also thought to help. 

So there you go...Now get up and dance! 
After all, Music is FUN and motivating!

Day 13: Thankful for Smiles :)

I am so thankful for smiles. I love it when people smile at me and I always feel better when I smile. If I am having a stressful day and I am suddenly met with a smile, I immediately begin to destress.

Natalie and her winning Smile :)

  
Seeing my children smile instantly makes me happy! Natalie has so many different facial expressions. I wonder what she's thinking about? Being so young who knows but just the fact that she is smiling makes me feel as though I'm doing something right in this life. Seeing a smile on Natalie and Austin's face at least for one brief moment makes me forget about all of the other things in life that have me stressed. I want to do whatever I can to provide as many smiles in their life that I can.

Austin and Cousin = Great Smiles :)

5 reasons to Smile

Here are a few things that we may be interested in knowing about smiling - and perhaps encourage us to smile a bit more!

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in

2. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

3. Smiling Is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take  action.be better able to take action.

Day 12: Thankful for a Wonderful Husband

“God created marriage. No government subcommittee envisioned it. No social organization developed it. Marriage was conceived and born in the mind of God.” Max Lucado 
Today I remember, like it was yesterday the day that we took the opportunity to take a journey together. I also remember that many thought it was just puppy love and nothing serious, but it was not, today we are a mature couple, a couple full of high hopes and best of all .... Very happy parents.

Allan, you are a very special man, you're just what I wanted in my life, you're a great blessing ... my friend, my lover. God has blessed us and continues to bless us, God is always in our home thanks to him we can enjoy each other, in the company of our great treasures, our children. In all this time, we have learned together, we've fallen and we have gotten back up, we've had many achievements, joys and moments that will remain marked forever, those unforgettable moments full of Magic, Joy, Love and some not so happy but that have taught us great lessons.

Thank you honey, for who you are with me, for giving me your love, for being a good Man, Husband and and Excellent Father ...  I Love You

Day 11: Thankful for our Veterans

“I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot.” —Gary Hart

Today is Veteran's Day and I am especially thankful to our true heroes.
Today is a day when we pause and we come together to honor the brave men and women who have worn the uniform of our country. We can never repay them for their sacrifice, but on this day we honor their service and thank them. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your sacrifice. And thanks for defending freedom. I hope that today everyone in the United States gives thanks to a veteran.  Because we owe them our freedom.
Let us remember that a new generation of Veterans is currently serving overseas and in the line of fire. These men and women are in my prayers and my thoughts. Their heroism and valor is unmatched in the world and deserve our respect and our support. 

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! and GOD BLESS those who have served and are now serving in our Armed Forces. HAPPY VETERANS DAY to each and everyone.For every one of you veterans out there, no matter when you served, wartime or in peace.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart